Unless you have been stranded on a desert island, I’m sure you have seen the cover of the latest TIME magazine, OR have at least heard the buzz it has generated in the media. The article featured Pier to Peer’s fellow MomsLA blogger, Jamie Lynn (www.Imnotthebabysitter.com) and her decision to practice Attachment Parenting. I’m not one to judge a book by its cover, or in this case a magazine, but this article definitely got me thinking!
Let me make it clear that I deeply admire Jamie’s bold decision to open up so publicly about what she believes in, and about a topic sure to bring controversy. However, one of the great benefits about being a blogger is the ability to share your ideas and opinions with others. While I know that some may not agree with me, the following reflects my opinion on the topic of Attachment Parenting and I appreciate your willingness to allow me to share my thoughts. I hope to create a healthy and respectful discussion among those who choose to comment.
Let me start with a bit of background information; Attachment Parenting, supported by Dr. Sears and his book, The Baby Book, is a way for parents to create a nurturing, loving and respectful relationship with their children starting from infancy. Parents co-sleep with their children and do not believe in letting babies “cry it out.” Mothers nurse until their child decides he/she is ready to self-wean. Only positive discipline is used and parents practice what they believe is the “golden rule” of parenting; parents should treat their children the way they want to be treated. By doing so their intended goal is to build a strong bond and create a safe haven for their child and a relationship built off of mutual respect. The question I have been asking myself is while Attachment Parenting creates an undeniable bond between child and parent, does it also result in a child being too dependent or unprepared for the real world?
If a child is not able to learn to self sooth and is used to living in an environment of “yes,” then what tools are they taught for handling the many adversities in life? Will the child not have the self coping skills to handle a future break-up or a professional set back? Will a lack of discipline or experience of disappointment result in a child who holds the expectation that everyone should cater to his or her needs? Is Attachment Parenting feeding in to parents who may feel insecure about their child not “needing” them?
Once again, to each is their own.
I have just recently begun learning about Attachment Parenting and am curious about the effects. Being a parent truly is the most difficult and rewarding job on the planet. There is no right or wrong way to parent, and of course it boils down to what works best for each family. Personally, I do not agree with the practices advocated by Attachment Parenting and have chosen to raise my children using the foundations of other parenting techniques. A few books I have enjoyed and have taken many lessons from seem to reflect opposing values of Attachment Parenting, The Price of Privilege and The Blessing of A Skinned Knee.
Wendy Mogul, Ph.D. author of the The Blessing of A Skinned Knee, is a clinical psychologist and a lecturer whom I’ve had the pleasure of listening to here in Manhattan Beach. In her book she talks about teaching respect for adults, avoiding over-scheduling and over-protection, developing independence and self-control any many other important topics.
What I have learned the most from her is that I am doing more for my child by not running and catering to their every need or cry. I do consciously think about each situation and whether they can figure out their own resolution. I’ve learned not to underestimate them, they are smart and capable. Afterall that’s what I have been working towards and will continue to by setting structure and boundaries as a parent.
The Price of Privilege by Madeline Levine, Ph.D. is another one of my favorite parenting books that I highly recommend.She discusses the cultural toxins and how well intended, but misguided, parents can actually be compromising their childs healthy well-being by giving them everything without any reason to earn it. Sometimes too much can really be too much. She offers her advice and tools to help redirect the child into developing a healthy sense of self, awareness of peer pressure and to maintain the confidence to make their own right decisions.
I truly believe it is our responsibility to raise our children to be prepared for the real world, capable to one day leave the nest with independence, confidence and the competence to make their own decisions. I agree with the goal of Attachment Parenting; to create a strong sense of love and closeness between parent and child. However, I also believe children thrive on structure and need to be provided with a foundation to develop independence, motivation and an “I can do” attitude. Parenting is a difficult job in and of itself, but I believe as long as there is a healthy dose of love and good intent behind any technique or philosophy, we are doing something right.
I would LOVE to open this topic of discussion up for comments and a RESPECTFUL debate!
What are your thoughts on Attachment Parenting?
There are many philosophies on parenting. Which philosophies, techniques and books have you found to be helpful?
About Kristal
Twitter: jenniferminer
says:
Hi and thank you so much for this thoughtful post! I’ve been following this whole kerfuffle with lots of interest –I “did” attachment parenting with my babies/toddlers, and now they are 10 and 13 years old. I can say this, although it’s not science, it’s anecdotal: They are exactly as prepared for the real world, no more, no less, than parents who “Ferberized” their babies (let them cry it out), who for any number of reasons only nursed the first 3 months or not at all, etc. From what i can see, being the parent of normal 10 and 13 year old girls with normal friends, I didn’t need to co-sleep or nurse until they were ready to move on themselves, to have happy, healthy kids. I’m glad I did for MY sake though. Co-sleeping meant that my husband and I got a lot more sleep than if we had to heave ourselves out of bed and wake up enough to go into another bedroom to soothe a crying baby. So I’d do it that way again, but recognize that it’s not the be-all and end-all for raising babies into teens that are as comfortable in their own skin as can be expected from teens.
Jennifer recently posted..Happy Mother’s Day from The Vacation Gals
Twitter: eatingmadeeasy
says:
I really like your comment, Jen. I think parents can sometimes be so obsessed with planning their parenting techniques that they end up forgoing their own instincts, which can create unnecessary stress and make parenting a lot less pleasurable. I’m not sure what parenting category I fall into…but I agree that most kids with loving, well-intentioned parents will turn out to be fairly similar (as a group).
Amelia recently posted..Healthy Finger Foods for Babies
Twitter: toddlertrailjen
says:
Enjoyed your thoughts. I have also been following the media & blogs on “Mom Enough”. Being a mom, and being scrutinized by other moms is just ridiculous. We should all support each other, offer our experience without judgement. I too nursed my children to 9 and 10 months, and “Ferberized” as I also wanted my sleep and wanted them to learn to self soothe. Funny, but I was more strict on my now 4 year old who can get to sleep on his own, and more lenient on my 3 year old, who I do have to sit with until she falls asleep. I think I will have to go out and get myself a copy of The Price of Privilege as it sounds like a great book (especially since my kids have way too many things as I’ve been told over and over again)
Jenn Willey recently posted..A My Little Pony Birthday
Twitter: GSnaps
says:
When my kids were young, the books that made the biggest impact on our parenting were “Relational Parenting” by Ross Campbell and “The Five Love Languages of Children” by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell. (Dr. Campbell is a family friend) I also sleep trained my children, which contrary to popular belief, does not entail letting them “cry it out”. These things have worked well for my family. I did attachment parenting with my daughter for four months when I brought her home from Ethiopia, on the advice from our Social Worker. That entailed wearing her in a sling and not letting anyone but my husband or I hold her, feed her, bathe her, etc. which I feel was essential to establishing attachment with her since she came from an orphanage situation. It was hard to tell the grandparents they couldn’t hold her, but they understood when we explained it to them.
That being said, I fully respect the right of every parent to choose what parenting style works best for them, whether it be attachment parenting or not. And I think we should not let these issues divide us. We’re all trying to do what we feel is best for our kids and what we need is support from other momsk whether they agree with our parenting style or not. We moms need to stick together!
Julie (Ginger) recently posted..Mother May I
Twitter: TinyOrangesOC
says:
I commend you for taking on this topic! As a mom, I respect every mom’s personal choice as to how they choose to raise their children. Personally I thought this cover was over-the-top and done for the shock factor, which was achieved, but I don’t like the comparison undertones, as far as what kinds of moms are doing it better. To me, we are all doing the best we can with how we know how, based on what works for us personally, and for our families. To compare any style to another to me, is wrong. Brave post mama! I am proud of you! And I am also going to check out those books!!!! xoxoxo
Jen {Tiny Oranges} recently posted..She Rocks Fitness [Giveaway!]
I really appreciate both this post and the comments. I have read some pretty antagostic posts and comments other places. I, myself, used the survival method. I had twins and I just did the best I could to get through their infancy. I think as long as we all do the best we can and put our children’s needs first in the best we know how, we are all mom enough.
Twitter: Glitterfulfelt
says:
I respect every moms right to parent in their own way. Being different is what makes the world so awesome. If we were all the same it would be a pretty boring place to live.
Shelby Barone recently posted..Happy National Chocolate Chip Day!
Twitter: rockinmama
says:
We actually practice attachment parenting…we co sleep (even today), I breastfed my son until he was a year and a half and my daughter until 2….I wore both of my babies…we don’t spank….we selectively vaccinate…I don’t think that there is anything extreme about it…
Even if other people don’t choose to parent this way, I think we can all be respectful about each parenting style…
I like what Shelby said by the way….I agree with her!
Caryn B recently posted..“Preparense para el Sol” Summer Safety Twitter Party
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Twitter: MichelleRivera5
says:
It’s difficult enough to be a parent without headlines like, ‘Are You Mom Enough? trying to challenge us. I think in the end the bottom line is that we need to respect each other’s parenting styles and methods and I appreciate you writing this post.
Hi Michelle, thank you for reading my article. I agree that the headline adds more unnecessary pressure. I also couldn’t agree more that we need to respect each other’s parenting styles. Thank you.